Over And Out
by VG LittleBear
Summary: NCIS 2005 season 3 - Ziva writes emails to team, family, and friends (canon/humor) - Specific spoiler warnings will be shown in the chapter name. - Inspired by comments read on the internet on email closing sentences, signatures, and other practices, so you'll see things I may either like, or not at all (I'm not telling).
1. 3x04 (2005) - updated 2015-03

Disclaimer: The following story is a work of fiction. The characters are borrowed from the CBS network show NCIS for personal entertainment purposes only. No profit is or shall be made from this fan tribute to the show which is owned by TPTB. Any resemblance to actual persons is purely coincidental.

_**A/N: Inspired by comments read on the internet on email closing sentences, signatures, and other practices, so you'll see things I may either like, or not at all (I'm not telling). Please consider this as your only warning! All complaints (ahem) are heartily encouraged! If you have any particular email likes or dislikes, let me know and Ziva may have a rash of them in some other episode.**_

* * *

**Over and Out**

(by VG LittleBear/vglb)

* * *

**Emails from Ziva - NCIS 2005, season 3, episode 4 "Silver War" (possibly a tag)**

* * *

Subject: A new job

Hello Jenny,

Thank you for giving me a job in the MCRT. I was surprised when my new collegues did not know about it. Gibbs was surprised, too. I am not allowed to sit at Kate's desk, but do not say anything to them, I shall handle it. Gibbs promised me rules, but no list. Are you available for female talk at your house l8r? Tomorrow I can sleep in, apparently NCIS doesn't start work at five o'clock. Such a change!

Let me know, Ziva

* * *

Subject: Delicate stomach

Tony,

So sorry, I did not intend to make you vomit like a baby. I spent some time in England with my brother, he said I had to drive on the left in English speaking countries. I thought it was true! He played me as a pastry.

Ciao, Ziva

PS: What happens with the photos of the stuffed bear?

* * *

Subject: Double Check

Gibbs,

Tony said that you never read your email. His first sentence to me was a lie, so I do not trust him to tell the truth. And I trusted he who will not be named, so you understand.

Keep me posted, please! TIA.

* * *

Subject: FW: RE: RE: RE: Double Check - ACTION required NOW

McGee,

You are the guy who helps Gibbs with his computer, no? I am wondering if there is a filter in Gibbs' email that moves it to spam, or why has Gibbs not said anything to me? Over the last 4 days, I have sent the message repeatedly, first adding 'ACTION', then 'required', then 'NOW'.

Tony must have lied to me again, no? Please advise ASAP.

Thanks in advance. Ziva

* * *

Subject: Todah for the tea, Ducky! I'll help you move the bodies anytime! Cheers, Ziva

(type your message here)

* * *

Subject: This desk is mine

Abby,

I assure you that there is no reason to hold my father, and by extension myself, accountable for what happened to Caitlin Todd. I am sorry you lost a friend, but I will sit at her desk. :(

Let us be friends,

Ziva

* * *

Subject: Move to Washington, DC

Dear Father,

As per your request, I'm keeping you posted:

\- Liaison job approved and signed by Jenny Shepard, Director of NCIS

\- MCRT job provisionally approved by Leroy Jethro Gibbs

\- One criminal female killed by knife in self-defence (report will follow through official channels)

Accomodation prices in DC are high, can I get one of the Mossad downtown flats at reduced rent? You will probably send your operatives to stay with me anyway.

Regards,

Officer Ziva David

* * *

Subject: Far away in a strange land

My dearest aunt Nettie,

This is a note to let you know that I have moved. I could not stay around father, it hurt too much. I have always wanted to visit the USA, and now I live here! I am part of a four man team in an armed federal agency. That actually means one is me, still woman last time I checked, one is Supervisory Special Agent Gibbs, sexy Tony thinks he is boss and earns each slap he gets from Gibbs, and Probie McGee is a nice guy who helps me find my way around town and Lotus Notes. I will write more about my colleagues some other time, but you have already heard about the boss when Jenny was in town. Yes, it is her Gibbs! Apparently he has no clue she is still in love with him. She is his boss now!

I am getting ready to go to the Farmer's Market downtown, I do not like the food in the supermarkets around here.

Take care, your loving niece,

Ziva

xoxo Think of the poor tree that is cut down if you print this! xoxo

PS: I have no idea what that means, but my Navy roommate said I must add it to my email signature. She is taking me to the Farmer's Market, so I do what she says. Maybe it is an American custom?

* * *

\- end of chapter -


	2. 3x05 (2005) - updated 2015-04

Disclaimer: The following story is a work of fiction. The characters are borrowed from the CBS network show NCIS for personal entertainment purposes only. No profit is or shall be made from this fan tribute to the show which is owned by TPTB. Any resemblance to actual persons is purely coincidental.

Identifyer: vglb0011/ch02 - a new chapter of "Over and Out" by VG LittleBear

_**A/N: I'm letting Ziva experiment with sending emails in the style she thinks is appropriate . Mistaken use of words is intentional as part of Ziva's charm (at least that's my aim). Did you find them all?**_

* * *

**Emails from Ziva - NCIS 2005, season 3, episode 5 "The Switch" (possibly a tag)**

* * *

Subject: Still learning my job

Hello Jenny,

Gibbs told me in the morning that there were already two things I'm not good at. Has the man never heard of positive reinforcement? Inquiring brains want to know, yes? Did you know that Gibbs does not read his email, but he knows everything anyway. Except that I wrote him a message, he does not know that. Or he has not said. Mystery!

Gibbs said he does not understand anniversaries, when I said I did not understand the deal with six months. That Wendy character said her husband did not remember a sauce! Would you explain that to me later, please?

I need your advise, where do I buy good running shoes? Mine are in storage until I can move into my apartment. The bus connections to work are terrible. No time for girl walk now, Gibbs wants my report on widow Wendy. I had to talk to her, and she just cried. I do not like this, but Gibbs made me do it.

Talk to you l8r, Ziva

* * *

Subject: Getting to work

Tony,

There is no need to worry about the streets I take to work, I am the danger on the street. I know Krav Maga and my knives are sharp, stopping me will be painful for whoever tries, and then I shall arrest them. For Gibbs.

I am the new girl on the square, but why do you say knowing official work hours is useless? Where do I find the information? If I have to ask Gibbs, he will head-slap you again. I have seen you wince. He hits you really hard, does he not? And you say thank you. What is wrong with you? Hold that thought!

Ciao, Ziva

* * *

Subject: Until I get a reply

Gibbs, I shall send this message to you every week now. I wonder how long it will take you to reply. At Mossad, you ask until the answer is given (or until your behind is kicked).

Respectfully, Ziva

PS: Tony is right, surprisingly.

* * *

Subject: Circus Max-imus

McGee,

Did you see Tony at the sailor's apartment, when he threatened to shoot the poor monkey? That was funny! Too bad you did not take a picture! I had my gun trained on the cupboard like all of us, because Tony shut me off. I could have told him there was no intruder. Tony said you keep a folder with funny snapshots for our team. Can I see?

Still no answer from Gibbs on my emails to him.

See you, Ziva

* * *

Subject: Tea time

Dear Ducky,

I really like your five o'clock tea! Too bad Gibbs does not see the use of a regular break. I will drop by when the opportunity arises, even if you have no tea for me. That is quite all right. America is so different from England!

Is Palmer's ankle better now? He really had the wrong shoes for the slope. If I had not tried to change Gibbs' mind, I could have stopped him before he went the wrong way. I have no experience with weepy females. In my father's house, we argued or shouted. I tried pouting when my father told my uncle not to give me a pony. It did not work. Of course Tel Aviv is not a good place for a pony, but I was little and did not understand.

Cheers, Ziva

* * *

Subject: Puzzles are my thing

Hey Abby,

It was good to talk about American women, how they get jealous and kill their men. Okay, you convinced me a divorce is more likely, at least when your name is Gibbs, but still! I did not know Wendy Smith had it in her to shoot her wayward husband!

Thank you for letting me help with the exploded briefcase. You will see that I am good with fitting one piece to the next, even if your approach is not mine. We have made a good start, I will be back to help some other time when Gibbs lets me leave the squad-room. And after you have sent your assistant home, if that is okay with you?

Bye for now,

Ziva

* * *

Subject: Reporting from Washington, DC

Dear Father,

Today I realized you have given me truth once: no-one could truly know another person, or his secrets. When I left Israel, I had no intention of writing many personal emails to you. You know better than anyone why. I just need to forget a bit. You shall receive my reports that are part of my liaison assignment, of course.

I changed my mind, I do not want or need your help with accommodation. I am not going to live at the Embassy, thank you very much! It is okay, I will find something that is good for me.

Regards,

Officer Ziva David

* * *

Subject: Far away in a strange land (continued)

My dearest aunt Nettie,

It was good to hear you on the phone. I did not expect to receive your call already, as I have no private phone yet. But using the office phone works. I had trouble believing father gave you the NCIS switchboard number. He always preaches business is business, and business with him is politics. What do you think does he want?

I was glad I could answer your questions about my experience at the Farmer's Market, Navy accommodation, and my roommate. By the way, she is gone this week, an assignment. She did not give me any details, probably she is not allowed to tell me as I am a foreign national. Or she does not want to talk about work. She told me about other subjects, like bargaining. She says it is done for cars, not carrots. I wonder if I shall see her again, as my search for a place to stay is progressing fast.

Father suggested I stay with his friend the Ambassador - absolutely not! No way!

My colleagues eat a lot of pizza, but it is very different from the pizza we had in Italy. Not worse, just different.

Take care, your loving niece,

Ziva

xoxo Think of the poor tree that is cut down if you print this! xoxo

PS: Still wondering what the purpose of such a sentence is, especially when it prints on a lone page, wasting paper.

* * *

\- end of chapter -


	3. 3x06 (2005) - updated 2015-05

Disclaimer: The following story is a work of fiction. The characters are borrowed from the CBS network show NCIS for personal entertainment purposes only. No profit is or shall be made from this fan tribute to the show which is owned by TPTB. Any resemblance to actual persons is purely coincidental.

Identifyer: vglb0011/ch03 - a new chapter of "Over and Out" by VG LittleBear

Spoiler warnings apply (see episode referenced).

_**A/N: Ziva is sending emails in the style she thinks is appropriate . Mistaken use of words is intentional by me (one hopes!) as part of Ziva's charm during her first year living in America.**_

* * *

**Emails from Ziva - NCIS 2005, season 3, episode 6 "Voyeur's Web" (possibly a tag)**

* * *

Subject: I shall not tell

Hello Jenny,

The job is harder than I thought being a 'Navy cop' would be, especially when it is unconnected to terrorism. That I've known and fought for years. I am learning to understand why you think Gibbs is the best at his job.

It is sad to watch a Marine come home to a dead wife. Now he is all alone. You know it is slightly awkward being friends with you? Gibbs told me last week that I could not speak with you about the cases we are working. That I should talk about the weather; I felt raindrops like tears in the air.

Was Gibbs like this when you worked with him before? He is very driven and his smile is rare, rarer still this week. You know I have the highest respect for him, yes? So, please do not ask me. Better yet, ask Gibbs.

Not talking supermarket,

Ziva

* * *

Subject: Idioms - so silly

Hi Tony,

As the Senior Field Agent, you are in charge of training. So I am asking for help on idioms and expressions.

I mixed up walk and talk before. So okay, I learned when females talk it was called 'girl talk' - although walking would have been involved, too! There are people in London who answer the 'bone' when indeed they answer the phone. It was most confusing, they all used English words, but it was all in code, except the whole town seemed to know the code book by heart. And few of them worked in the spy business! Those who did, spoke standard English with me, well except for the bone, they used that a lot. But I digress.

Are Americans also switching out specific words in their conversations? Agreed, there is a lot of walking involved in supermarkets. However, the activity is talking! So why is Jenny (Director Shepard for you) sending me this? Let me copy/paste, patience! I have used 'not talking supermarket' in my correspondence. She highlighted the text and sent 'bwa ha ha'. Is she laughing? So what is wrong with it?

Ciao, Ziva

* * *

Subject: Things we never say to others

Gibbs, I wish you would look at your email. Or do you?

I am pretty sure you have been working on your boat all night. I know this case is hard for you. When I lost my sister Tali, the world became a darker place. You know where to find me.

Take care, Ziva

* * *

Subject: Operating System

Really McGee,

Using the Mac came easy. If you tell me one more time that I need to work with my current operating system, you will get a free demonstration how I use a paperclip to kill.

If I did not like you, I would not just demonstrate; I would take one of the clips in my desk drawer, two sizes up from the smallest, bend the side up to make a pointy end, grab the remaining base between thumb and my first finger ... if you think the rubber band war last week was bad, you have not seen anything yet!

So here is the deal: you show me how to work this stupid computer program, and then you never ever talk about it.

In the meantime I shall borrow Gibbs' baseball bat again if the program kicks me out.

Get your butt over here now,

Ziva

* * *

Subject: No time for tea

Dear Ducky,

The case this week is a strange one. So far it was easy for me to keep my distance. Not so much for Gibbs.

Since dead Leanne Roberts husband came home, Gibbs has been pushing us even harder for answers. First he forbade us to shoot the Marine when Sergeant Roberts attacked our suspect. Then he spoke to him softly, when Tony verified that the alibi worked out, and we had to look for new suspects.

Gibbs impressed the urgency to find the murderer so much on McGee that he worked all night to find us the lead we needed. He did so successfully, but Gibbs wanted even more. Still, he gave him a pat before Tim left with Tony.

Anyway, you understand why I did not dare take time to have tea with you after Gibbs took one look at Sergeant Roberts. It was as if he was seeing himself. Maybe I can drop by later today?

Cheers, Ziva

* * *

Subject: Knowing your knives

Hello Abby,

It was fun to see you going through every conceivable type of knife. I thought I was the expert on knives, and probably I am on combat knives. You, however, totally showed me up!

One of these days we need a chat about which knives I could carry that do not show up on the Gibbs sense. Tony has told you about my first day on the job, has he not? Gibbs just looked at me until I had removed every last of my weapons and I felt naked.

I do not like the feeling, so the answer is more knives. Other knives. Any ideas?

Let me know,

Ziva

* * *

Subject: Nothing to report from Washington, DC

Dear Father,

The case we had this week is entirely domestic to the USA.

A domesticated husband who took advantage of a lonely military wife, a Mamma's boy who played a dangerous game, and lost, and the eternal brotherhood of Marines. Not to forget a badass female, and I do not mean me. I just got to hold the gun and handbag when Tony cuffed and arrested her.

As I said, nothing to report.

Regards,

Officer Ziva David

* * *

Subject: Yard sales in a strange land

My lovely aunt Nettie,

Please never forget that I love you, even if I do not say it back on the phone. Tony is quite good at picking up some sentences, and I do not want his questions prying into my life.

Of course you say it is not logical when I pry into his, but he is a trained investigator, I only get to be the spy - for now. I took him out last night. Not out as in giving him a final resting place. No, we went to a fancy restaurant Tony had gotten reservations to. What can I say? I had heard so much about Valentino's, I could not let pass the chance to go. We finally closed the case that had us running around all week, and I expected him gone the minute Gibbs released us, but Tony was sitting at his desk dejectedly when I got back from the powder room. Apparently he had been dating a married woman without his knowledge. He is very honorable in some ways. He broke up with her immediately.

Actually we had a fun evening eating Surf and Turf. That's what Tony called it. We would just call it fish and meat - sometimes on the same plate! When in Rome, do as the Romans do, and all that jazz. Do you think dear old Rabbi Salomon would be horrified if I gave in to temptation? In a way I did, I stole bite-sized steak from DiNozzo's pasta plate, a tasty fettucine Alfredo while I had a lovely broiled fish as primo piatto. Who knew Tony spoke Italian like a native?

I have to tell you about the custom they have here. It is called a Yard Sale, but they do not sell any of their gardens. Not even flowers from the garden. What they do is moving crap from their house into the front garden so their neighbors can see, and then they tempt the neighbor into buying Aunt Adelia's much disliked vase she gave to them for their marriage, or shoes that never fit and they left standing in the rain one night. Old, broken, hideous - anything goes. - Books, okay I understand books. I always hate to have to bring them back to the library. I rather own them, then sell or exchange them when I am ready. - They hold those yard sales so often they might even buy back that same vase, just in time to exhibit it in their place of pride when Aunt Adelia visits again. Tony explained it to me in great detail. I find it much more honest to smash such pieces.

Remember that time you came to visit and you could not find the soup bowl you had gifted to mama and papa? When mama Rivka admitted to you she had thrown the bowl at Eli's head, you laughed and said she had finally understood what is was for.

Kissing your cheeks,

Ziva

xoxo Think of the poor tree that is cut down if you print this! xoxo (There should be a disclaimer for this sentence - I will not claim it as mine.) xoxo

* * *

\- end of chapter -


End file.
